Exploring Myself

i'm emil. an adrenaline jungkie, adventurous, and a shopaholic, well i'm working on it. well this is sort of a blog that contain some pieces of my life, about what happen and what i feel about stuff, i just want to share every step that i make in this journey of exploring myself. and enjoy every part of these self discovering moments. well you know, just live your life like it's your last!! hope you enjoy it :D Gold Price

Permalink mom/partner in crime ow yeah. who says you can’t rock veils huh? ✌🙌👯


yolo, so i’m writing on saturday night now, and it’s kinda ridiculous that i’m writing in the exact spot where i was 6 hours ago. i know i have no date tonight but it doesn’t mean i want to spend my satnite here, and get trapped, i still can’t figure it out what am i doing, and why am i doing this in the first place, remind me again why was i being that dummy to apply for this position. i was just trying to help and now i suppose they’re gonna give me this freakin burden of 89 million rupiah for the show!? i mean this is insane, if only i knew this is what’s gonna happen i would’ve never in million years applied for this job. on top of everything i have to listen this chinese bastards talking shit that i don’t even know. so gotntrapped for 7 hours with these people, well a real charmer.
well, there is no point to complain now, it’s kinda too late to take the whole things back. i just have to suck it up as optimist as i could, hmmm this would be hard. fake it till you make it rite? am i right folks?


stay sane (trying to)

things have been changed a lot lately. i’m pretty occupied myself with a lot of things going on rite now, so obviously, i have no time to update stuff. well basically, i’m wearing vail now, you know, that hijab thing, it is great by the way, love it so far. i’m definately calmer, much calmer, less emotional, and less panicking. the business is great well a lil rocks along the way but we’re fine though. the comittee that i joint in sucks by the way, it takes a lot of energy time and money. not to mention the heavy burden with a tight deadline are just driving me insane. well i try my best to put it together.
back to vail. i’m not really sure about how people’ respond to it, not like i care though. i had this one guy who’s hitting on me for months and suddenly sprinted after i wore vail. which is kinda disgusting. not that i like him. i don’t honestly. i guess lack of social life leads me to get a lil bit isolated from guys. my perfect evening most of the time would be just accompanied by my tv series program (which i love most of them in starworld) and some snacks and water. and i’ll be pretty happy and enjoy myself. i know so lame ritel but whatever, i like what i like. such a coach potato though. the older doctor that i met the other day is gone too. i guess it’s not even possible in the first place, daa, he’s 28 and lives in other cities, with his cool businesses and doctor stuff, why on earth he would like attracted to my kind of girl? it’s still ashame though. another husband material goes down to the toilet. final and other shit are coming up, gosh i wish could just fast forward everything and gone somewhere else to escape for a moment, seriously, i haven’t got the real entertainment since mid term. the last time i skip the class for a lil bit refreshment,makes me in trouble big time.
one last thing, this is probably not big of a deal but, my two old people are getting a divorced, and they try to undirectly influenced me with their own side of story. which is super annoying and awkward.
well i guess that’s it for tonight. gonns work my ass off again tomorrow. wish me to stay sane alright? cheers


another unecessary posting

what done is done, the jirk walk away once again, i should’ve known . i mean is it me who just that dumb ??? well, what ever. i never meant it in the first place anyway. i just don’t expect to be this way. what’s left ? let me see, o yea, everything. i still have a long life ahead of me of course. i mean, things are suck, they don’t always work out sometimes. what the hell. who cares. i know it’s not the best feeling but i survived rite? i didn’t die so. that’s pretty good for now, i guess.
admiting something that i simply just have been avoiding for so long is just so hard. i think, it’s just my greatest fear, to end up alone. why this posting is getting more depresive?! i hate this. where’s the damn spirit. i mean we are young, and free and almost adult rite. it’s not the end of the world. so, that’s pretty good things to celenrate. it’s not like we’re in the late 20’s or something. so, cheers to …… life, and health, and well basically to be alive is pretty damn good reason to cheer for. cheers

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So, i’m just gonna make it quick. i always don’t like to complicate things that  have already been there, by being so dramatic. The thing is i just don’t really like to talk about feelings and shit like thta. there is a hidden joy by jeeping things the way it is, without have to complicate stuff rite, i mean, as long as we have fun with it, why not rite. So this guy, uh i’m such a terrible typer. SO sorry if i just misstype everything. well, this guy is the kinda guy who i’ve always avoided. but there is something about him that even i couldn’t resist. not his charm, not his money, not his face or anything, as the matter of fact, i kinda hate him in alot of times. he’s repulsive, ridiculous, drama king, and kinda dummy in a way. and always being so unpredictable, and no to mention that he’s that womanizer that we girls are always hate. We are kinda flirting with each other here and there for a while, a couple of years probably. i mean, it’s fun to tease and flirt, but kinda holding back a lil. well you know, but still keep it casual, without any string attach. i always try to avoid that feeling talks and shit like that, just to keep things the way it is, cause i know, once it’s said, it would ruin shit.. SO, i kinda hold a back in a way. my feelings honestly are kinda biter sweet. cause, i hate him, but ican;t stay mad at him. or probably it’s just my nature to be that unstable. Cause i know deep down, he’s not that guy i wanna be with, he’s the opposite of me, and i think, we would just fight the whole time, if we were togeher. SO, in a weird way, i just want to keep this flirtationship that we have here goes on, we don’t have to be exclusive or anything.i dunno this game would be. sometimes, i coluld be passive-agressive, and he ‘s too sometimes. you know tis chase and be chased things is pretty interesting in my boring life. beside, we have completely different life, and what makes us keep it casual, is our life, our reality. he’s there, and i;m in here, so, it doesn’t matter, cause, i’ll get over it, without have to overthinking him, and he will too. 

Permalink waiting the sun to go down, while having a cup of hot tea. that’s life
Permalink woo bar